:p I regret most of the content/jokes here. 40% of which are cringe-worthy. This is not a blog that I'd want my nephews/nieces ...or anyone to read, actually. but it's still up here because of sentimental reasons. The blog took a lot of time to build & I just don't have the heart to delete it. If you do find the jokes funny - I'm happy to know that they're entertaining. Otherwise, here's a more "proper" one http://coffee-choc.blogspot.com ...prob not as funny, mainly about chocolates and coffee and food & music

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Finding TRUE LOVE via the relationship-free pathway

A lot of people ask why I'm single
Like most people, I do want to find my true love someday :)
but I just choose a slightly different (and I believe it to be the 'better') approach :)
You see, I don't think you need to be in 1, 2 or 3 year long mutually-exclusive relationships to 'test it out'
If there's 'love', 'personality compatibility' and 'sexual compatibility', that's all it takes :)
If you're sooo in love, compatible & happy together - well then, just get married!:) lol
but if you're not in love -and you're highly incompatible, being in a 3-year relationship isn't gonna improve things
So, instead of wasting 3 years "trying to understand someone" or "trying to make things work", you would be a lot happier using that 3 year to get to know other people who could be more in love and more compatible with you :)
(eg, casual dating)

Casual dating = intimacy + opportunities to understand/get to know the other person + keeping your options open

If a relationship goes well, it could be the best things that ever happen to you :)
but if relationships don't end well, they affect many aspects of your life - your work life (yes, if you have a break-up, it sucks, and it affects your mood, your work performance), your health (if you feel sad, ...it's not very good for health either)
The purpose of 'relationship' should not be for 'understanding' the other person
It is unwise to enter into a relationship before you understand the other person's general ideals/goals in life
of course, you don't have to know everything about him/her
after all, getting to know another person is a life-long process :)

so, what's "compatibility" all about?
It's not about trivial stuff like liking the same bands/movies
It's about sharing ideals that are important
eg., if you're health conscious, you'll be happier with a partner who's also health conscious
if you're a non-smoker, you'd feel happier with a non-smoker
if you're a calm person, you'd be happier with someone who's not too temperamental
if you're debt-free and careful with finances, you wouldn't wanna end up with a gambler
(Image source: http://blogs.abc.net.au) 
Well, at the moment I don't yet have a personal success story to share:)
but at least, I feel calm/happy :)
and I know that my work/emotions won't be affected by relationship break-ups
- and perhaps, that itself is a success story :)))
I feel that way because I don't think there's a need to live life in a certain way
- there's no need to get married by a certain age, have kids by a certain age...
As long as one's happy, that's all that matters :)


  1. I was in a marriage which wasn't working for so many years but the thing is I was not happy and I suffered tremendously. So for people out there find your true love and never give up on love.

  2. hey i liked your dating blog

    described me to a t;)

  3. well yeah...

    relationships don't really benefit a guiy

    usually guys take on more responsibilities

    but when break ups happen

    usually girls are the ones who complain

    about the guy being the jerk

    which is not fair...sometimes

  4. this is true...thats why people need to be honest about what they want

    too many poeple go with people not because the mix is right, but because they happen to be convenient

    i date alot,but it doesnt mean im promiscuious, it just means i haven't found something i want

    and i know what i want;)

  5. :0) I'm tthe perfect match!

  6. I beg to differ on the sentence after "If's there is love...."; should there be love at all, all one needs is commitment.

  7. yes:) commitment's very important. if there's love, the 'commitment' part is easier. it's easier to want to do things for someone u love

  8. it should be the other way round. love is not just a feeling; love is commitment. when the feeling of love disappears, the commitment to love stays. that's what makes marriage work.

  9. My argument might be largley semantic, but i would postulate that love and commitment both betray something of insincerity and that friendship is what really lies at the core of any successful relationship. I might also assert that purpousfuly seeking casual flings may constitute a form of self-denial, which, though good in theory, loses something ... See Moreof it's shine in the involvment of real life individuals. Friendship is a kind of unreasonable respect built on nostalgia, if you can't be with the one you love, love the one your with.

  10. gee...i wouldn't wanna be with someone I don't love (or be in a in a relationship where love fades). In a good relationship, love is supposed to get better. say, if i have a future partner who's in good conditions when i first know him, but he's paralysed in an accident, I'll love him just as much - and because there's love, i'll remain committed

  11. Love that Lake House picture, not sure I understood the movie, but it still gives me the willies

  12. So I was wondering if you could clarify. Do you simply recommend sustaining casual relationships (ie not get into serious, monagomous relationships) or also making quicker judgements about a person you are involved with?

  13. Yep, casual relationships would be the less risky option - until you are sure that he/she is the one. A serious relationship is almost like a marriage. A break-up is as traumatic as a divorce. If you're at a stage thinking about getting serious with the other person, well...just get married. If you're not sure that you'd want to marry the other ... See Moreperson, then don't even be in a relationship. Relationship's like an investment - investment of time, feelings. If a relationship comes to nothing, you feel like your effeorts are wasted. Now if you have casual relationships with a few potential soul mates... that's much better for you - it's like having a 'diversified portfolio'...studying the market, till you find the best fit

  14. no, it's not brutal :) this is the usual story - girl and guy like each other - girl wants to settle down, but guy doesn't want to settle down - so, the girl would be better off in casual relationships than spend years waiting for the guy to pop the Q

  15. i agree, but what people tend to do is put all there eggs in one basket....

    when i am with someone i am genuinely into, i don't look around

    but within that relationship, or arrangement,

    i come to terms with the fact that it isn't going to be a permanent thing...

    which makes me want to make the most of what ever time i have with that person

    there are no garauntees with the future,

    meaning a person can live the now, and even if it all falls apart in the end, you know you made the most of it